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When I first watched The Matrix, I couldn’t help but correlate it to the game of Chess, where Neo was a pawn in the game.

To me, Morpheus was the King, Trinity was the Queen, the Oracle was the Bishop, Dozer and Tank were the Rooks, and Cypher was the Knight gone rogue.

Perhaps that was the reason I got so hooked on The Matrix—because it reminded me of the one game that has summed up my entire experience with sports. For all other sports, I have been a fanatic spectator, nothing more. But when it comes to chess, it’s the arena I would jump into on any given Sunday.

It’s not that I am an ace player. I’ve lost more times than I’ve won, but chess is the only area of life where I can lose gracefully. Because even in defeat, it leaves me exhilarated. And if you’re wondering why I have such an obsession with the game, there’s no rational answer to it.

Perhaps it was the first game I was introduced to, or maybe I just couldn’t fit in anywhere else. Either way, if I look back on any moments of my past involving sports participation, it will always be about chess. Yet, if I have to pay an ode to chess as a game, here’s why it matters to me.

Going back to The Matrix reference, Neo started off as a pawn in the game, with both sides chasing after him for their own agendas.

For me, that was like Team Life and Team Death cornering Neo. And that seemed no different from our existence. While many love to believe in the construct of free will, I have always leaned towards determinism. Birth, life, and the most significant events are beyond our control.

Life then is a game where you are pushed into the arena and compelled to play, even though the outcome is already sealed. You have no choice about quitting, nor do you have a say in choosing your opponents. As long as you’re in the arena, you’re in the game, and the only easy way out is death.

So for me, life has always felt like a lost game. Yet, given that there’s no way out, I feel uniquely inspired to give it my all. If I’m the pawn, I could resist and get killed. I could do nothing and get killed, or I could move cautiously, play defensively, and still get killed.

If those are the odds, then why not indulge in a breath of defiance every now and then and try to topple the game with all my might? What if, like Neo, the pawn marches forward, crosses to the other end of the board, and transforms into something greater? Wouldn’t that be a worthy fight after all?

That’s perhaps why I’m so fanatical about The Matrix and the game of chess.